A little girl put on her softball uniform and went outside to play, chanting, "I'm the best softball hitter in the world!"
She throws the ball in the air, swings and misses. Strike one!
She adjusts her hat and says, "I'm the best softball hitter in the world!"
>She throws the ball in the air, swings and misses. Strike two!
She adjusts her hat a little more, takes a couple of practice swings and says, "I'm the best softball hitter in the world!"
Once more, she throws the ball in the air, swings and misses again. Strike three!
She thinks about what just took place for a few moments, and then says, "I'm the best pitcher in the world!!"
Little Sally rushed home after her softball game, threw open the door and was jumping up and down with excitement.
"How was the game? How did you do?" asked her father, who was unable to attend the game.
"You aren't going to believe it, Dad," Sally exclaimed, "I was responsible for the winning run!"
"That's wonderful," her dad said. "How did you do that?"
"I dropped the ball!"
At one point during a softball game, the coach called one of his young players over to have a talk with her.
"Do you understand what cooperation is? What a team is?" asked the coach.
The little girl nodded yes.
"Do you understand that what matters is whether we win together as a team?" the coach asked.
Again, the little girl nodded in the affirmative.
"So," the coach continued, "When a strike is called, or you're out at first, you do not argue or curse or attack the umpire. Do you understand all of that?"
Once more the little girl nodded yes.
"Excellent," the coach said. "Now go on over there and explain it to your mother!"
The devil had challenged the Lord to a baseball game. With a smile the Lord proclaimed, "You don't stand a chance. I have Mickey Mantle and all the greatest players up here."
"That may be true, but I have all the umpires," snickered the devil.
A coach was giving a lesson about the circulation of blood during health and fitness training. Attempting to make the subject clearer, he said to his team, "Now girls, if I were to stand on my head, as you know, the blood would rush into it and I would turn red in the face."
The team all nodded in agreement.
"Then why is it that when I am standing in an upright position, the blood doesn't rush into my feet?" asked the coach.
A girl at the back of the group yelled out, "Probably because your feet aren't empty!"
The ASA Softball team all had their photographs taken and the coach was attempting to persuade them to buy a copy of the team picture.
"Wouldn't it be nice to be able to look back on it when you're all grown up and think, "There's Ann, she's a lawyer now, or there's Margaret, she's a doctor."
Suddenly a voice at the back of the group spoke out, "and there's Coach John, he's dead."
The coach noticed that Jenny had been daydreaming for a long time, so he decided to get her attention. "Jenny," he said, "if there is a runner on first and third and eggs are sixty cents a dozen, how old am I?"
Without hesitation, Jenny answered, "Thirty-four."
The coach replied, "Well, that's not far from my actual age. Tell me...how did you guess?"
"Oh, there's nothing to it," Jenny said. "My big brother is seventeen and he's only half-crazy."
It was the end of the season and the team members were giving their coach gifts. Since he knew the professions of the kids' parents, he would guess what they got him.
When the daughter of a florist gave him a box, he held it over his head and shook it. "Let's see, are they flowers?" the coach asked. "Wow, how did you know?" asked the little girl.
Next, the daughter of a candy shop owner gave him a box that he again held over his head. "Would it be candy?" asked the coach. "How'd you know?" the girl asked.
Then the liquor store owner's daughter, Susie, came and the coach could see that the box was leaking. He put his finger where it was leaking and tasted it, "Is it wine?" asked the coach. "Nope," said Susie.
Again he tasted it and asked, "Is it Vodka?"
Smiling, Susie replied, "Nope. It's a puppy!"
One early morning a mother went in to wake her son up. "Come on son, wake up. It's time to go to the tournament," she told him.
"But Mom, I don't want to go to the game," was his reply.
"Well, give me two good reasons why not!" she said.
"First of all, the kids hate me and the coaches hate me too," he groaned.
"That's no reason to not want to go. Now get up and get ready!" his mother demanded.
"You give me two good reasons why I should go Mom," her son said.
"For one, you happen to be 38 years old. For another, you also happen to be the Head Coach!"
Walking through the Rag Ball practice, a coach noticed one of the girls making faces at the other children.
She stopped and gently reprimanded the child. "Betty, when I was a child I was told that if I made ugly faces, my face would freeze and stay like that forever."
"Well, Ms Jones, you sure can't say you weren't warned!" replied Betty.
A new coach, trying to put his new softball books to good use, began his first practice by saying, "Everyone who thinks they don’t know anything about softball, please stand up." A few moments later, little Tammy stood up.
"Do you think you know nothing about softball, Tammy?" the coach asked.
"Oh no, coach. I just hated to see you standing all by yourself!” Tammy replied.